"He is not invisible when we come alive"

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

If you know me very well, or even if you don't you'll often see me wearing some sort of paraphenalla that says TWLOHA. A lot of you see that and aren't really sure what thats all about. I strongly encourage you to just take the time to take a look at the vision. (www.twloha.com) This is only a couple paragraphs but are some that hit home and have meant a lot to me in my life.

For years I struggled with depression, and on occasion I have my "not so great days". It could possibly be something I always struggle with, I don't know what God has in store. But what I know is more and more I feel its the very thing that sends me to my knees to confess my need for him. Throughout those years I was searching for fulfillment in so many different things when what I truly needed had been there all along. The cool thing about Christ's love for us thats so different than what we view love as is that His love is unconditional, free, and full of grace. Though I was living in a life of sin and misery God placed me around some of the most amazing encouragers I could ever asked for... even when they were the last people I wanted to see or be around. For those years, Christ still made himself present in my life despite my refusal to simply wake up. He did that with love, His love, through those I hold very dear.

I could go on forever with stories and specific people that come to mind and would gladly take the time to do that, but I definetly don't want to lose your attention. On a really hard day, I was flipping through my bible and stumbled across a verse that my very best friend had highlighted. " For it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: Wake up , O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you."-- Ephesians 5:14

It wasn't until this past year did this verse really stick. In fact a lot of the things loved ones constantly drilled in me stuck, but I simply put them in the back of my mind. The truth of the matter is, no one person could make the choice that I needed to make. However, the love and compassion those have shown is why I am here today. Our father has been teaching me a lot lately about how everything is through him and for him, nothing is possible without him. As frustrating as it is, a lot of pain to myself and others could have been avoided had I simply made a choice a long time ago. You see Christ is the only way to healing, to life itself, but our hearts must be willing to let him have his way. This verse does not say... when you feel like it roll out of bed and God will rescue you. WAKE UP!!! RISE FROM THE DEAD! And then, Christ will shine on you. I believe more than anything that in all things God is at work, but also believe He is quick to respond to our effort and our belief in His healing power. We can pray prayers of rescue, but we can't be rescued standing in the same places and telling ourselves the same things we always have. Change, as painful as it may be, must happen.

There were nights when I wanted to quit. There were nights when I almost did. There were nights when I hurt my friends, my family and said things I didn't mean. The are things I can't take back, consequences that will pain me for probably the rest of my life.There were feelings I didn't understand and may not ever.

On those nights he intervened. On those nights he showed up. He provided friends with patience, love, grace and strength only to be found in him. He understood. He offered grace.

When we "wake" every morning we have a choice. Daily we have a choice and daily we are molded in one way or another. So daily I beg you to awake in Christ. Whether you suffer with depression or not isn't the issue. In this life it is so easy to get into routine and live mundanely. Awake in Him. Healing is possible. Hope is real and He has already won and suffered beyond what we could imagine (john 16:33).

I don't know who will read this or if it's even making much since. All I know is that I want you to know Christ's love in a brand new way. For it is love, HIS love that binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col. 3:14). It feels as if for the very first time I'm falling hard for my savior. My prayer is that I can now finally spread the love of Christ as its been given. I pray he pours me out. We are sure to break, we are sure to fall, but there is so much beauty in the healing of TRUE brokenness. Please know that. If you want to know what my latest addition to my arm means to me, this is it. I am alive because of Christ, in Christ, and daily I want to be reminded to awaken my soul. If you ever have any questions or want to know a little bit more about my struggles and need someone to talk to... as hard as it is sometimes, I'm open for God to use it in any way He can.